Confession: I used to watch soap operas. Back in the day with Jenny and Greg on “All my Children” I was sure we were all really the best of friends. And in that every soap has a matriarch, Phoebe was theirs. I assumed that I would one day achieve this status with all my children.
In January of 2010 my grandmother at age 104 passed away. (My parents were already gone). I announced on Facebook, to my two children Leanne and Tim that “its official, I am now the matriarch of our family”. K, I am only head of two but it counts for something.
So now with the passing of Tim, Leanne is an only child. And I’ve learned that not taking her seriously isn’t advantageous to our relationship. So, for the sake of argument I try and go along for most rides.
This Christmas of 2015 we went up to San Francisco to be with her for. We rented an Airbnb that took our pups.
The first night we went into the family room to watch tv. Which I don’t really do. So I had my cross-stitch, books, iPad, journal…all sorts of stuff to do while I relaxed. It was a two day drive, so I was in need of some down time. Their couch had a chaise. A nice comfy chaise. So I took it as it was just me and Bill as I’m the girl. I sprawled out my stuff and enjoying cross stitching a little rose.
The next night Leanne had joined us and got to the family room first. And when I got there, there she was, all comfy on the chaise.
Alrighty then. I really do like having my feet up, so I got a nearby chair to put my feet on. It was a cain seat, so I got a pillow to make sure my feet didn’t go through it. And I got all comfy, though I did miss the chaise.
The third night I went to the family room before any of us where there. I looked at the chaise and thought “hey, I am the mother. I should have the chaise. I took my cross-stitch from the one side, in tow with books and iPad and put them on the chaise.
- After all…I am the mother. I bet my BFF Kety would get the chaise. (Though she has since told me “no”).
- But her Cuban mother Piadad would’ve gotten the chaise.
- My sister in law would def get the chaise.
- I bet Phoebe on “All my Children” would get the chaise as she shouted out orders.
- So I was going in..I too was gonna take the chaise.
And just as I was about to go in for my final descent after loading it up with all my props Bill yelled up to me from downstairs.
Let me preface this. I, by admission have not been good about conceding to my husbands authority. But just days before our trip he was prayed over at church where he was “knighted” the spiritual leader of the home. So up until this point I HAVE NEVER HEARD BILL SAY ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
So, he says to me “Emily, the Lord just told me to tell you that He is testing you”. What? My head went fuzzy.
At first I thought God was maybe saying ‘hey, you’re the mom, you should get the chaise’. He’s telling me I should take the chaise and take my rightful position in the family. But why would He say that in that I was going to sit there already.
Well, as my focus went from one side of the couch to the other…I realized “dang, I guess this means I don’t get the chaise”. So I brought everything over to the other side of the couch, way before Leanne got there.
Though it took me a little bit to realize it…it was a great moment. Because Bill took his role as the leader of our home. At this point in our relationship I am really ok with playing my role. As it should’ve always been like this.
This was such a great affirmation from the Lord that we are where He wants us. And it’s a good thing to let go of my willful nature. So…will I ever get the chaise? Only time will tell. But for now…I am giving up the chaise…in more ways than one.
I cannot change her, and so there’s no point in trying. And there’s peace in that. Nor do I want my hand in this. I want it to be ALL God. And not because she just gave in after such an intense time of being chased down.
Instead I am chasing God. Asking Him to change me, so hopefully she will see Jesus in me. And that me loving her without restraints will ultimately make the biggest impact.
What chase have you let go of?