Tightening up my Life Vest

Have you ever felt, no, known that there is a storm coming. And there’s nothing you can do about it?

Years and years ago our family of four were in Wyoming on vacation. We decided to go rapid river rafting. We had never done anything like this before, but the kids were getting to the age where we could do something a little adventurous. We were in Jackson Hole which is famous for many things, one of which is riding the Rapids on the Green River. So we decided to take a risk.

It’s known for it being grade four and the big kahuna drop. So away we went. The guide spoke of the big K the whole time, and at first felt a great amount of fear every time he talked about it. But as we went along, learning how to go around each curve and get wet and get air I was starting to look forward to that big K that once drove fear into my soul. It also helped that our group was becoming one with the river and we were learning how to work together as a team. Just before we dropped into it the men decided to turn their hats as if to say “we can concur this drop and we are all in this together…Argh Argh Argh”. And we made it, all with a group shot for just $21.95! (Now, totally worth it!)



I would surely have been scared if I didn’t have the first part to experience, and get used to the motion of the river. It actually got me excited for it, as with every turn and splash I got more confident that I would survive. And was even looking forward to it! As by now, the first dips were baby steps.

Well, the Lord has been telling me that my life is about to change in a huge way. Ok, one might expect some changes when one has written a book. After all, all of sudden people want to speak to you and ask you questions as if you have some answers because you formed a few coherent sentences and bound them in a book. On some level I get it.

But there are some things that could be bigger. I have been asked to write an article for some major magazines. Why, because there is more to me that just a grieving mother. Our daughter is in a lifestyle that can be challenging to most Christians. So I guess I am a nomily? Dead son, and a daughter who puts on seminars at the White House for the lifestyle she champions for. So it’s best to tighten up my life vest as this could get bumpy!

I guess people want to know how we deal with all of this. The simple answer…is God. The complex one is…well, you’ll have to read my next book. (ha ha…I have started it).  But there’s already a lot to say as to how I can sit in the front row of her seminars…”lesbians who tech”.

Especially after the last few weeks I have been on my face with confessions, prayers and victories. This is an ongoing process one I hope to share more about as it goes along. I am finding out that just because one writes a book one is not 100% whole. But it’s just part of the life long journey, especially as a follower of Christ. We are continually in a momentum of learning more about who He is, and letting go of who we were!

So, back to the boat. I guess I like boats as this is my second post using them as a metaphor. But seriously, my guide, which of course would be God is preparing me for the big kahuna. I feel as though I am about to be catapulted and short of jumping out of the boat in the rapids I guess I will be going through it. And yet, I am now (not at first as no one likes to get tossed around a bit) enjoying the ride of the last few weeks as it’s been full of ups and downs. From total insecurity and wondering how I am going to do this, to total trust and hopefully ready for the ride.  After all, I have a great guide, and I am sticking to Him like glue as well.

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