What if…what if….what if.

No words can be more leading.

What if we could do things over.

What if you can understand me.

What if you could change so I can love you.

All to no avail unless one can see the benefits of being rejected by a child.

Being cast aside, treated as though I were expendable has been the hardest challenge I have ever experienced and I have buried a child. Survived sexual abuse by 3 different men including my own father. Been given medical treatments that have altered my DNA.

And yet…I persist. Yet I grow. Yet I heal.

I will not be cast down but appreciate the levels of healing I have expereinced.

I am not asking for understanding, but at the very least I understand myself and understand others as everyone on this plane have been affected by the flappers.

Flappers you say? Once one can understand we chose our lives it’s comprehendible that we are here basically in a pinball game.

We chose our parents (with their permission…spiritually of course) and set into a simulation with certain chosen flappers, that affect our nervous system to stay stuck in “self-preservation” mode.

This is why Jesus said “In order to gain one’s life one must be able to lose it”. Because healing is really learning to put ourselves aside and think more of others than ourselves by getting out of “self-preservation” mode.

The more flappers the hardest this is of course. But if Jesus said we are to become over-comers, it is possible.

All that to say, I would never have been so motivated to heal if I had not been rejected.

If you need proof in the Bible I do have a verse for you:

“I knew you before I knit you into your mother’s womb”.

Unless free-will isn’t a thing before we come down, can we say we didn’t at the very least give permission to our circumstances?

This does so much, like eliminating the temptation to blame our parents or even God, or to beat people up for who they chose to be. It really takes judgement off the table.

This also alleviates the arguments of the adult children of “I didn’t ask to be born”, not gonna lie…I kind of crack up on that one when I see it in comments on social media. You see this belief really takes a lot of wind out of a lot of peoples sails. Including mine.

The commandments that Jesus speaks of is to love God and others as ourselves.

In my opinion the operative word in His commandment is “love”. As we automatically treat each other as we treat ourselves.

If we have self-hatred we will hate others. If we allow that inner critic to reign we will be critical of others.

But it’s not easy, but doable once one learns is much about our frequency.

I have been wondering how logistically Jesus healed others just by his presence for decades. And now I know. It’s about frequency.

Side note…everything has a frequency. EVERYTHING. The clothes we wear, fire vs electric stove, (Hence why there were forces to make gas stoves illegal) diseases…even ourselves. And people will feel it, as when we operate from fear verses love it will be felt by others, via our frequencies.

When we learn to love ourselves we then love others. As our frequency has risen.

• The emotions hatred fear, blame, jealousy, outbursts, and shame (just to name a few) are all at a lower level of frequencies. (Shame is the lowest level as suicide thoughts live there).

• The emotions of love, peace, forgiveness, joy, self-acceptance, authenticity, self-control are all at a higher level of frequencies.

If you haven’t guessed it’s best to live in a higher level. It’s just healthier to do so. Less conflict, more mindfulness, more health and healthier relationships.

And when we heal from past traumas our frequency will naturally go higher. It takes effort though. Thankfully I have a team of healers that have my back.

So, when Jesus said we love others as ourselves it’s much more important than we realize.

Would I like to have been able to do things differently? Of course. But I am done beating myself up, little own allowing others to do so. I am resending the permission I gave away freely in hopes if we could get the punishment over with all would be good. (A major coping skill of mine to get out of trouble. I used to apologize for everything to get out of trouble, as in my world trouble meant possible abuse).

I have paid prices I no longer will pay. Because apologies not accepted only gave away my power to the one I was apologizing to.

I am taking my power back as they say.

You see I have studied this movement of adult children ostracizing their parents enough to see that either parents are clueless to their accountability and blame their children, or over apologize and then are taken advantage of.

And I acknowledge things in this world need to change. And this generation while some deem as ungrateful and spoiled (I did see this coming when “everyone gets a trophy” started) maybe they are the ones to stand up and say “enough is enough”.

But where does it end. I am concerned for their children and seeing that their parents, instead of communicating with love just turned their backs…if one truly believes that we reap what we sow, (I hear that a lot, that we deserved what we got on posts substantiating their need to toss us aside) so will this generation

And as someone said “the baby boomers are the generation that the millennials don’t (think they) need, but the grandparents their children do”. (Teal Swan)

Blame doesn’t do anyone any good. Otherwise the person stays in a perpetual loop. I know, I was in it.

I accept the challenge I signed up for. If others don’t, that will be on them

I could also write a blog about the roles of the masculine and feminine and how women have had to take over in that men have not been taught how to be men. But that’s for another post.

Anyways, if you are here because you too are experiencing estrangement I offer much love but please focus on what you need to do to heal. It’s the only way through this.

Much love,

Emily