I don’t ever remember a time in my life that I didnt believe. Though I went through the preverbal steps at age 9 after overhearing Billy Graham via my parents living room say, you were going to hell without Jesus from my bedroom one night.

To sum up 65 years let’s just state my testimony is one of faith even through many trials.

But, even with faith I questioned if I was good enough to make it to heaven.

So when I heard about Torah in 2015 I questioned if the church had gotten things wrong. And this was my ticket to feeling like I was “good enough”.

So in Jan of 2017 I took the leap and dove into what I felt led to do. Observe the laws of the Old Testament.

Now even a good TO (Torah Observant) person will tell you they can do “all the things” so at least stick to the 3 main things:

• Feasts. (Passover and the Fall Feasts)
• Saturday Sabbath
• Food Laws. (No pork or shellfish)

So I did the feasts. (The spring feasts of Passover mostly as I wasn’t gonna go camping alone for Sukkot and the fall feasts really confused me anyway).

I did Saturday Sabbath. I gave up my beloved craft shows that were on Saturday. And found friends to do zoom calls with. I tried the local synagogue but didn’t like it. But Zoom was fun with friends.

And the food laws. (In my defense I was convicted about pork the Thanksgiving before and still abstain from pork).

While TO we were taught that we were “set apart”. We were better then everyone else and torah teachings, while mostly said out loud that it wasn’t for salvation I had many conversations that surely this proved we were saved. And most likely no one else was.

Well, this really fit with my “you’re going to hell” upbringing little own soothed the wounds of my soul which was tossed too and fro during childhood.

I had now “made it”. And I had the book (The bible) to prove that not only was I “better than”, but you are “less than”.

Then in 2020 when the world was in a tailspin and because of my belief in hell and the “end times” I was in constant fear. Though I never bought into the narrative the world was trying to sell, my fear led me to live in fight or flight for 14 months over the book of Revelation.

And then everything changed. In June of 2021 a good friend called and stated “Emily, I think the little season is behind us”.

I was opened up to the understanding that Jesus had already returned. And that the millennial reign was in the past. (I believe we’re in Rev 20:7)

MIND BLOW!

Wha??? We weren’t all about to go into the tribulations? We were no longer worrying about the sign of the beast. The antichrist or having the military showing up at my door taking all our food? Or being beheaded. Little own handing out fliers? (Don’t laugh I have a good friend that did that).

It was beyond liberating.

The first good friend I mentioned and I started researching this. At one point we looked at the artwork of the ”dark ages” and noticed not one painting or sculpture had anything to do with the Torah. No menorah. No blue and white anything. (I never liked that tradition they had). Nothing but Christ themed artwork.

It was then the first thought came in against the sabbath and thought “Maybe I don’t have to keep it”

So, I opened up a facebook group:
“Millennial Reign been there done that Research Group”

Well, I was thinking it would be just for a few TO friends. But it grew quickly with all sorts of people and beliefs. I noticed the fighting between the Christians and the TO. And I started hearing some good arguments that the Christians had against the torah.

Soon a young man and his wife joined and he said he had figured a few things out and wanted to teach it on zoom.

He provided a study he had done of scripture that that we not only are past the millennial reign but that we are in a new covenant and the torah isn’t something for us to worry about as it has passed away.

Little own, I’ve learned that Jesus came to save us from religion in general. But especially saving the Jews from the law.

You see when all we do is worry about sin we become incapsulated with rules, judgement and lack of the love that Jesus came to show.

I was set free that day on zoom!

It did take me about 7 months to stop doing the sabbath. But I never did the feasts after that.

It was hard on my husband but he later said “I blame myself as I should have done more research”. But I don’t fault anyone as it was something I had to do.

I no longer have regrets only resets in my life as I can see the value in the lessons learned.

I asked God why? I heard “You had to know what bondage feels like to know what freedom truly is.

You see in order to know joy, we must experience sorrow. (Insert any polar opposite emotions you like).

Recently I overheard someone say about me “She used to be jewish”…

Well, yes…yes I was. But unless one goes through a healing process themselves my actions will be scrutinized by those without the ability to understand.

As our choices will ultimatly provide the needed consequences to learn our lessons. Unfortunately we need some jolts to learn those lessons. I hope those reading this won’t need a tragedy. But usually thats what it takes.

Many think it’s like as escalator ride. Or just take a pill. Ha…we’ve not experienced healing then. It’s more like a journey of hills and valleys.

And that’s ok. Everyone will go though a process in this life and someday will have to answer one important question.

Did you learn to hate. Or did you learn to love. (ok, thats two but you get my point).

I have come to realize this:

You see love is the only thing that will matter in the end.

For all sorts of reasons I have been forced into a healing process. And so am thankful for the experience to have truly seen what was in my heart.

A lot of it also came from a fear of hell. But that’s another blog post. (Spoiler alert there isn’t any).

And remember in the end. “Mom wins”. (A private joke).

I will never go back, as once a lesson is learned there is no point. Plus I can see the fruit of the TO movement in others now and it’s not pretty.

So now I have a facebook group that helps others come out and learn that we are ALL loved and the law is only for those stiff-necked people.

There is nothing we can do to ever be separated from God.

I’m back doing the holidays TO teaches are pagan. I literally have never been happier.

But that’s another blog post to write as just how deep the Hebrew Roots really go. Here’s a tictok video to show how bad it really is.

Love to all and thank you for reading this.

Emily